Something terrible happened. You goofed; made a mistake; said an awful, unforgivable thing; did something stupid—but now it’s time to get on with your life. Sounds simple, but if you are guilty of any of the above actions, you can’t. Someone in your head is telling you to hold on to it, to punish yourself a bit longer. So you do. You play it over and over in your mind; go to sleep thinking about it, wake up with it on your mind. You may try to erase it, but it looms even bigger. “How could I; Why did I?” you ask yourself over and over. Who is the person in your head who has decided that you deserve this torment? The voice that reminds you how inadequate a human you are incessantly rehearses your stupidity or ineptness—“That was so boneheaded of you.” Okay, you get the picture.
Where, then, is the voice that reminds you how beautiful you are, how precious and sweet you are? I know, I long to hear her voice, too. Is she sleeping or does she care about how much you’re losing, I wonder. I need so very badly to hear her say it’s okay; “I still love you.” Can you trust that she still loves you in spite of yourself? You wonder if she really loves you at all, especially when you seldom get an encouraging word from her. When you do well, you never get a pat on the back or a high five. All you get is criticized and chastised when I screw up. I know a way to end her fear that you’ll never be what she wants you to be. When she spouts accusations of fear, shame, or blame just tell her you love her and you forgive here. Maybe, then she’ll get preoccupied with these ideas. Maybe at your next infraction, she’ll tell you how much she love you, because she really does. You just haven’t taught her how to love you without the fear attached.